Movie title twisting

2011 February 22
tags: ,
by Don Hammack

Ripped, and tweaked, from the local cineplex:

  • “I Am Number Two” — I do not want to go see that movie.
  • “Justin Bieber Never Say Never 3D” — 2D, hells yeah. 3D, no way!
  • “Nothing’s Attached” — The Bluetooth Revolution starts here!
  • “True Grits” — Flo and Mel finally hook up.
  • “The 1972 Hornet 3D” — No, thanks. I lived the 1972 Dodge Dart.
  • “The Mechanic” — Filmed exclusively in the grease monkey pit at the quick oil change shop in arty black-and-white.
  • “Sanks’ Thumb” — Does the digit on former University of Georgia bust Jasper Sanks‘ right hand contain spiritual power to prevent — or cause — fumbles?
  • “Unknown” — Donald Rumsfeld triggers a wormhole with the content of his Unknown Unknowns speech, allowing reason and sanity to seep into the Defense Department. A true science fiction masterpiece.
  • “The Shumate” — Former Notre Dame and NBA star John Shumate gets a new roommate, only to learn he’s obsessed with Shumate’s basketball training videos. Tagline: That doughnuts not the only thing getting dunked.
  • “Just Go With Spit” — An art house favorite, it’s a 24-hour movie consisting of professional baseball players spitting tobacco juice and sunflower seeds. Roger Ebert says: “Surpassed even my greatest expectorations!” If you’re seeing the 3D version, bring a raincoat. And goggles.
  • “Chromeo and Corvette” — A guy driving a Ford takes a shine to a gal in a Chevrolet muscle car. Their families object.
  • “The King’s Preach” — Young Martin Luther King Jr. is cured of a speech impediment at the altar of his father’s church.
  • “The Beagle” — A lost puppy goes in search of his father’s collar, lost leading an unsuccessful takeover of the junkyard.
  • “The Sleight” — Oscar night tragedy as a famous director forgets to mention his mom in the speech.
  • “Big Lama’s: Like Father, Like Son” — Buddhist leadership shifts from reincarnation to family succession. Tagline: He’s a big hitter … like his father.
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